Caroline and Paris in New York
by Linge
Summary: Part 2 of my Christmas trilogy.


**Caroline and Paris in New York**

Del wasn't a bad person. He had a habit of not thinking before speaking, but he wasn't a bad person. He was… shallow. Sometimes he could be a bit of an idiot. But he was alright, really.

She still didn't regret making fun of him in her comic strip, though. He'd get over it. It's not like he hadn't embarrassed himself before, probably more so than this comic strip was going to, so he'd bounce back. And it sure felt good to be petty once in a while.

And so she decided that she was going to have a quiet evening with Richard, her usually cranky assistant, in an effort to get into the Christmas spirit having realised she was going to have to spend it in Peshtigo instead of Paris. She wasn't going to feel sorry for herself, though; she was going to go home, see her family, and enjoy her holidays like she normally did.

"So, as far as office Christmas parties go, this one pretty much…"

"Sucks?" Richard finished off.

"Big time," she laughed, and raised her glass. They sipped their drinks in silence for a minute, Richard thanked her for the Christmas bonus, and then he stood up, and casually said, "Look, before I go…" as he went off to pick something up from behind the desk. He then approached her holding a Christmas present. When she looked at him, getting a bit emotional at the gesture, he frowned and told her that if she made a big deal out of it she couldn't have it. So she composed herself and took the gift out of his hands. He could be so uptight sometimes, and she had to smile slightly at how strangely adorable she thought it was.

She went over to sit by the coffee table, as she started to unwrap the gift she had just been given. After a few seconds, Richard got impatient and ripped it open, and she realised almost immediately that she was holding a painting of Paris in her hands. She could feel her heart melt as she let it sink in – Richard, her sarcastic assistant, had painted Paris for her. For the first time, she could feel a slight flutter in her stomach at his presence, which was an odd sensation. It was certainly an unexpected one. She wasn't sure what it meant, so she turned her attention back to the painting he had just given her. It was beautiful, and she actually found herself momentarily speechless.

She felt Richard lean in, as he started to point out the features of the painting. She could feel his breath on her neck, once again feeling that strange tingling sensation running through her, and for a moment she was sure she had stopped breathing. What was going on with her?! These were definitely feelings she should not be having for this man. It made no earthly sense. And yet, as she finally exhaled after what seemed like a small eternity, she found herself looking up at him, and she realised that he was staring back at her with a look she had never seen before. It was sort of… intense. Soft, but intense, and she didn't know what to make of it.

"Richard, I-"

"Caroline, I told you not to make a big deal out of it. It's just a painting, alright?"

"Yeah, but…" She felt her face fall slightly, and she fought the urge to reach up and touch him. Instead, she drew a sharp breath as she composed herself. Then she stood up, and Richard stood with her.

"Look, I should get going," Richard said, looking at his feet. He seemed to have gone to a different place entirely, and Caroline could feel the moment begin to slip away. Her heart suddenly felt very heavy, and she found herself fighting to keep her eyes from going blank with tears. She tensed her shoulders, and realised that it was already too late. Why was he having this effect on her? What was _happening_ to her?

She hung her head slightly and turned away, wiping her eyes before the tears started to roll down her cheeks. "Okay, sure," she replied meekly, desperate to hide any hint of crying from her voice. Unfortunately, it was a battle she was doomed to lose. She could hear Richard sigh heavily behind her.

"You're not going to cry, are you?" he said nervously.

"No…" she replied, but her voice betrayed her.

"Caroline… It's just a painting. It's no big deal," he said with his usual cynical tone, but there was a hint of something else in his voice, something tentative, questioning… caring?

She shuddered, and fought to remain somewhat composed. "No, Richard, it's not that. You're just so sweet, and kind, and well… amazing." She turned around to look at him, no longer caring if he saw her cry. As she looked into his eyes again, she saw him tense up, and he looked slightly panicked. _I've ruined everything now, haven't I?_ She thought to herself. _He only wanted to give me a painting, and here I am, making a big deal out of it._

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm being silly. You did something nice for me, and I've made you feel bad about it. Ignore me," she said, and made a half-hearted attempt at smiling through her tears. She shook her head and laughed despite feeling disappointed. _Disappointed? It's Richard!_ _What is this?_

"Caroline…" He said softly, still gazing at her with those beautiful eyes of his, having removed his glasses as he sometimes did when feeling awkward or under pressure or simply exasperated. "I could never ignore you," he finished, his mouth curling up as his eyes softened. She swore she could feel her heart skip a beat, and she gazed back at him. She wanted so badly to know what he was thinking, but as usual his facial expression just left her feeling confused.

"Richard…" She whispered, feeling enchanted and somewhat dizzy. She found herself moving towards him, closing the gap between them. She didn't know what had possessed her, but she reached up and touched his face, stroking her thumb over his cheekbone. He allowed her hand to linger there for a moment, and then he pulled away as if her touch had burned him. _Oh god._

"Please don't do that," he said, the tender expression he'd had on his face quickly replaced by a look of pain. He shook his head, as he took a few steps backwards in the direction of the desk. _Oh god, what had she done?_

"I'm so stupid," she whispered under her breath, covering her face with her hands. _Don't cry. Don't you dare cry, you idiot._

Richard stopped, and the expression on his face was unreadable. "What was that?" he said, and his voice was laced with pain.

"My god, Richard, I am so sorry. I know you said not to get emotional, and, big surprise, I got emotional! I'm hopeless. I just…" She trailed off. He was staring at her again, and she just wanted to escape. She couldn't handle it anymore, it was agony having him so close with all these feelings she didn't even know she had… until today. But right now, at this very moment, she knew that she had them. And she was beginning to realise that he had no interest in her whatsoever beyond friendship. How could she have allowed herself to think, even for a second, that he would feel the same way about her? It was obvious that he found her annoying most of the time. _Stupid._

"You just what?" she heard him say, though it was barely audible. He was looking at her in a strange way, and she couldn't stand it. Why couldn't he just stop looking at her?

She shook her head, and she was certain that he could read her like an open book at this point. "I just… thank you," she said softly, and gave him a small smile.

"Well… I'm glad you like it," he said, returning the smile, and she felt herself relax ever so slightly at that. It was going to be okay. She had not managed to ruin everything.

"I love it," she said, still looking straight into his eyes. God, he was gorgeous. How had she not noticed this before?

"Can I… hug you?" she asked tentatively.

He tensed up again, and she immediately kicked herself mentally for even asking. But then she noticed that his facial features were still somewhat soft.

"Sure," he said, and once again she closed the space between them and put her arms around his neck. He remained tense for a few seconds, but then he started to ease up, and he returned the hug by putting his arms around her waist. And then he did something she had not expected: he drew his breath long and deep, as if inhaling her scent. Her heart fluttered, and she closed her eyes, determined to enjoy this rare moment of affection.

Caroline found herself enjoying it far too much, however; she never wanted it to end, and it scared her. This man was never going to care about her the way she cared about him, and if she allowed herself to give into these feelings it would only end up hurting her. So she forced herself to pull away from him, knowing it was for her own good. As she looked down at her feet, she could hear Richard sighing heavily, still only a few inches away. _Oh god, I have to face him. I have to be strong._

Instead, she bolted for the sofa, where she slumped down and buried her face in her hands. A small sob escaped, even as she tried to suppress it, and she started shaking her head, mentally kicking herself for how horribly she had screwed things up. It wasn't supposed to be like this.

She removed her hands from her face so she could grab a pillow and hug it, still not daring to look up at the man who remained standing in the same position by the kitchen counter.

"I'm sorry, Richard. Just go home. Merry Christmas," she finally managed, still hugging the pillow as if her life depended on it. She fully expected him to race for the door with a sigh of relief, but he didn't. He remained, as if frozen to the floor. It was so quiet in her apartment that she could hear him breathe.

"Caroline…" His voice was low, and shaky, and god she wished she could disappear.

"Something is clearly wrong," he continued.

"No, no, nothing is wrong," she said, choking back another sob.

"Is it about Del?" he asked, hesitantly.

She finally looked up at him. "No, why would you think that?"

"Because you seem upset," he said, looking more uncomfortable than ever.

"I'm not upset…" she tried, but she knew it was a painfully obvious lie.

"Right. And I'm not a horrible cynic," he quipped, but his voice remained soft.

Caroline let out a slight chuckle at that. "Oh Richard. You're not horrible."

Richard walked a few steps towards her, and smirked. "That's good. You should put that on a Christmas card."

Caroline could feel herself relax a little, as a small smile formed on her lips. She chucked her pillow at him playfully, and added, "That's a good idea, actually. I obviously don't pay you enough."

"Well, it _is_ Christmas…" he said, sarcasm creeping back into his voice. Then he reached out for her hand and pulled her to her feet.

"Feeling better?"

"A little," she replied with a smile, although her hand in his had caused her stomach to flutter again. If only she could figure out a way to make that stop, everything would be fine.

"You can go home now," she said quietly. "I'll be okay."

"Are you sure?" he asked, and she could swear that was concern on his face.

"Yeah. Really. Go, before I do something I'll regret." Her heart skipped a beat at what she had just let slip out of her mouth. She prayed to anyone who might be listening that he hadn't heard, or that he wasn't really paying attention (as was usually the case, anyway). But no such luck.

"What do you mean? What could you possibly do that would be worse than the emotional display you have just made me suffer through?" he said, and his sarcasm had well and truly returned at this point. But when he noticed her facial expression, his face fell slightly. "Oh god, what is it? Something _is_ wrong!"

"No, it's okay Richard. Go home. Have a nice holiday." She knew her face was betraying her. _Dammit_.

"Caroline, you're starting to scare me. Please, whatever it is, just say it."

"Really, you don't want to find out," she said nervously.

"At this point, I really do. So go ahead." He appeared to be bracing himself, and she couldn't fathom what he might be thinking.

She suddenly felt possessed again. She couldn't explain it, but there was something about the way he was looking at her that made her want to put her arms around him so badly she couldn't hold back anymore. She closed the slight gap between them, and put her hands on his shoulders.

"Richard…" she whispered. Her heart was beating out of her chest. She didn't know what she was doing anymore. But when she saw him gazing down at her with his pained expression, it finally pushed her over the edge. So she raised herself up on her toes and leaned in, covering his lips with hers.

At first, he didn't respond. She could feel every inch of his body tense up, but just as she was about to pull away he suddenly returned the kiss, like he'd been gasping for air and _she_ was his oxygen. He kissed her with such intensity, such _passion_, that she lost all sense of time and space. She had never been kissed like this before. It was like the world was disappearing around her, but she didn't care, because nothing else seemed to matter anymore. She felt his hands sliding up her back, making her shiver, and she tightened her grip around his neck to pull him closer to her, feeling like nothing could ever be close enough. His hands finally settled around her waist, and a slight moan escaped her as their tongues were dancing around each other in a way that made her knees go weak. For a moment she thought her legs were going to give in and desert her, but then she felt Richard tighten his grip around her waist, pulling her so close there was no way she could ever fall down. Her whole body was tingling with this overwhelming sensation as desire coursed through her veins. She started pulling at the collar of his shirt, trying to find a button, _any_ button, so she could get even closer. She wanted – no, _needed_ – to be closer. She felt the breath catch in his throat, however, and he slowly broke off the kiss, which made Caroline crash back down onto planet earth.

"Richard, I'm sorry…" she breathed, trying to compose herself.

"I don't understand…" she heard him whisper, but he didn't let go of her waist, he was just resting his forehead against hers. Caroline found standing like this completely agonising. She wanted so much more.

"What don't you understand?" she asked, her voice a mere whisper as well.

"What is… are you… are we…?" He was clearly struggling to find the words, so she leaned in to kiss him again. This time he immediately responded by kissing her back, so tenderly it made her ache, but a few seconds later he pulled away again.

"I can't do this," he muttered, releasing her from his grip and looking away. Caroline wanted to scream.

"Richard. Look at me. Please," she said quietly. When he didn't, she sighed heavily. "Please!" she said again, louder this time. His head slowly moved up until his eyes met hers, and her heart skipped a beat again and she just felt so _helpless_.

"Caroline, I-" he began, but she cut him off.

"Richard, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry! I _told_ you, you didn't want to find out. I obviously have feelings for you that you do not have for me, and that's fine. You don't have to worry about a thing, really," she babbled, not taking a break to pay any attention to Richard. "We should both go away and have a nice holiday, and then we can come back to work and start over again as if nothing ever happened. Okay?"

The silence that followed was unbearable. Suffocating, even.

"What… feelings?" she finally heard Richard ask. There was a certain hint of pain in his voice again.

_God, if you're there, please let the earth swallow me up_.

"Like I said, it's nothing to worry about!" she said loudly, panic spreading through every inch of her body.

"If I shouldn't worry, what _do_ you want me to do about it?"

_Kiss me. Touch me. Rip my clothes off._

But she didn't answer. She couldn't. She was sure that if she tried to, she would burst into tears again.

"Look, I need you to explain. When you say _feelings_, what do you mean?" His voice was soft again, and she felt her insides melt as she struggled to find her voice.

Looking back up at him, fully aware that she had tears in her eyes now, she finally whispered, "I mean _feelings_, the kind that make me want to touch you and hold you and kiss you like I just did. But you don't have the same feelings for me, and that's fine."

"Oh my god," he said quietly. Caroline let out another sob, and looked down at her feet.

"Caroline, I need you to look at me," he whispered. When she did, his face was dead serious and the pain in his eyes was still there.

"You have made me feel like there is more to life than just misery. When I'm around you, the day just seems a little bit brighter, somehow, especially when I see you smile. I've been trying my best to hide the effect you have on me, because I didn't want you to find out. I couldn't stand to lose you. You're the first real friend I've ever had, and because of you I've regained some faith in humanity. But I've also fallen in love with you."

Caroline's heart was trying to burst through her chest. She felt dizzy. Was she dreaming? She couldn't be, surely, after being so painfully awake just a minute earlier. She was so stunned she couldn't speak, and tears started to roll down her cheeks. When she didn't say anything, Richard continued.

"I never thought you could possibly feel the same way about me. Guys like me don't get girls like you. I'm dark, cynical and depressed, and you're… perfect."

Caroline sniffled and wiped her face furiously in a futile attempt to stop the tears from streaming down her face.

"Oh, Richard… I've never met anyone like you." Her voice choked, and she shook her head before she continued. "You make me laugh. You challenge me to think about the world differently. And when I couldn't go, you painted me a picture of Paris. It's one of the sweetest things anyone has ever done for me. You may be sarcastic and cynical, but you're also incredibly thoughtful, and kind." She smiled at him through her tears. "As for me being perfect," she continued, "well that's just not true." She chuckled slightly, and Richard moved to eliminate the space between them, putting his hands back around her waist.

"You are to me," he said softly, gazing into her eyes until she felt her knees go weak once more, causing her to grab onto his shirt.

When their lips met again, it was gentle at first, but it quickly escalated in intensity and Caroline tried to find the buttons on his shirt once again. His hands brushed up her sides, making her shiver uncontrollably as she unbuttoned his shirt as quickly as she could manage with the world spinning around her. As her hands finally roamed over his bare chest, Richard made a sound and broke off the kiss abruptly.

"Caroline, are you sure about this?"

"Of course I'm sure," she said, catching her breath.

"I need you to be absolutely certain that this is what you want, because once I surrender I fear there will be no going back. I want you so much," he finished in a whisper, his eyes boring into her soul, reaching places she didn't know could be reached; places she didn't even know existed.

"Please don't worry. I want this. I want _you_. I want you to take me upstairs, take off every piece of clothing I'm currently wearing, and then touch me absolutely everywhere. Please…"

Before she could say any more, Richard had scooped her up in his arms, and he quickly carried her up the stairs and into her bedroom. He carefully put her down on the bed, before pushing her down into the mattress and kissing her passionately, almost desperately. She felt her body surge with want, and she quickly tugged his shirt out of his trousers and tore it off of him, throwing it in the general direction of the floor.

"Please, just get me out of these clothes," she breathed, almost pleading at this point. He started kissing his way down her neck, taking his time to find all the spots that made her shiver, and it was agonising. He slid his arms gently across her stomach until they raked over her breasts, and a loud sigh escaped her mouth. No one had ever made her feel like this before just by touching her. It was like magic, completely indescribable.

As he started to unbutton her shirt, she felt just about ready to explode. Fortunately, he seemed eager to get it off, and once it had been tossed to the side he made quick work of her jeans and socks as well. Lying there in just her lacy underwear, she suddenly felt so bare, and she grew slightly self-conscious, but when she looked back into his eyes she could see nothing but love.

"God, you're beautiful," he whispered, which seemed to be all he could manage in that moment. He quickly shed his own trousers before climbing back on top of her and kissing her soundly, his hands moving below her back to unhook her bra. Sliding it off, he gazed down at her once more and she felt herself blush, but she was quickly overtaken by desire again when he leaned in to whisper in her ear. "So beautiful. Perfect."

"Oh god, please…" she begged, losing control over her voice as she felt his right hand move down to cup her breast. She shivered, and god she was aching for him to keep touching her and whispering in her ear. She wanted to drown in his love.

His lips quickly found hers again, capturing them in a desperate kiss as his fingers began to toy with her nipple. She let out another moan and ran her hand across his bare back, just wanting to feel every inch of his skin. His other hand was caressing every part of her he could reach, sending shivers down her spine. Being touched by him was incredible. She didn't know where she was or what day it was supposed to be anymore, everything was kisses and touches and drowning and _god_ she wanted more.

"Panties…" she mumbled, as his mouth had moved to the spot just below her ear. "Get them… off…" She struggled to be coherent, and her voice was strained. "I want…" she managed in a whisper, as her hand tugged at his boxers. She could feel him shake ever so slightly at that, and he quickly moved down to pull her last piece of clothing off, before stripping out of his own. The look of need on his face made her ache even more for him, and she reached for his hand, softly tugging at it to get him back on top of her. Feeling him poking into her thigh, she gasped and shivered, and then his voice was back in her ear: "I love you."

Caroline could have died just then. She was so completely and utterly lost; lost for words, losing sense of time and space, losing touch with gravity… she was just _lost_. "You… I can't…" Was all she managed, but it didn't matter because everything disappeared around her after that as Richard finally entered her, taking her to another level entirely. She didn't know what sound had just escaped her mouth, and she didn't care. Her fingers dug into the mattress and she arched into him as her arms then moved to wrap around his back.

He kissed her again, tenderly, before looking into her eyes with so much love she could feel whatever was left of her start to crumble. At first the movements were slow, agonising, but as passion took over their bodies again the rhythm intensified, and Caroline's moans were now flowing freely, along with some unintelligible syllables she had no control over. His heavy breathing in her ear was driving her towards the edge; the warmth of his breath against her skin was tantalising, and so were his occasional kisses on her neck. His hands made her feel like she was on fire.

When she finally came, it was earth shattering. The waves of pleasure that ran through her made her shake uncontrollably, and it felt like every muscle in her body was contracting at the same time. A few seconds later, she could feel his release as well as he collapsed on top of her, an "oh god" escaping his mouth. For a moment they just remained like that, completely spent, but then Richard rolled over to the side and pulled Caroline into a soft embrace. A feeling of contentment washed over her, and she sighed as a small smile formed on her lips.

"That was…" she said in a half whisper.

"Hmm…" she heard him sigh in response. His fingers were tracing lazy patterns on her back.

For a while they just lay there in silence, enjoying the warmth of each other and the peaceful moment of bliss. Then Caroline raised her head slightly.

"Did you really mean that?" she asked, watching him open his eyes to look at her.

"Mean what?" he asked back with a curious smile on his lips. God, those lips…

"You know… what you said before." She suddenly felt incredibly self-conscious again.

He clearly enjoyed watching her squirm, because he just smirked at her. "I believe I said a lot of things, Duffy."

"Yeah, but… that thing, the L-word… did you mean that?" She was blushing so hard at this point she couldn't even look at him anymore. She sat up slowly, and looked down into her lap.

"Oh, you mean when I said 'I love you'?" he teased, and she slapped his arm playfully. But when she looked back into his eyes, they had grown serious. He inched his way up into a sitting position, touching his finger lightly to her cheek.

"Caroline, I love you. I would never say that if I didn't mean it."

She felt her eyes go blank with tears for the hundredth time that evening, and she was lost for words again. "Richard…" She whispered, as a tear rolled down her cheek. Before she knew it, she was crying again, and she hung her head as she let the tears flow freely.

"It's okay," she heard him say, as his fingers stroked her arm, and a small sob escaped her mouth at that gesture of comfort. She could feel the love in his touch, and she didn't quite understand how he managed that.

"I have never felt like I was someone special," she began, eventually, even though she had no idea where she was going with it. "I always felt like someone else would come along and be better than me. It was usually my brother," she laughed, "but there were other times as well, like other girls at my school for example. I know this is going to sound pathetic, but I never felt quite good enough. I still don't. Something better always comes along," she finished sadly.

"Caroline… whatever happened to you in the past, it's not going to happen this time. I've never been in love like this before. When I look at you, every part of me aches to hold you in my arms. I didn't know being in love like this was even a possibility."

"What about Julia?" she sniffled.

"Since the first time I met you, I have started to examine every aspect of my relationship with Julia and my feelings for her. I don't think it was ever genuine. I think I was in love with the idea of her; her lifestyle, her glamorous appearance, the way I could never quite figure her out… but that's not love, is it? It was never love. It was fascination. This, what I feel for you, _this_ is love. I love you because you're _completely_ genuine, because you're smart, because you care about everyone else to the point of insanity, and because when I see you smile I know exactly why you're doing it. You're not a mystery to me, because I can see every part of you. And that's how I know that I love you: because there isn't one part of who you are that doesn't leave me completely in awe. What makes me love you even more is the fact that you feel comfortable enough to just be yourself around me. I don't want to love an illusion; I want to love a person. And I think I've been afraid of loving a real person… until now."

Caroline cried silently as she listened to Richard's words. The floodgates had opened and there was no turning back.

"You light up the room when you enter it, Caroline. You just do. I've tried to deny it ever since I started working for you, I figured it would be safer that way, but I hope you know how hard it was for me to keep a safe distance from you. It's not what I wanted to do, but it was what I deemed necessary in order to survive. I always thought that love was painful and ultimately not worth it, but until I met you I had not truly experienced the soul-sucking despair of loving someone from a distance. And yet, having you in my life has been even more rewarding than it has been painful, and therefore it must have been worth it. So I'm willing to put my heart on the line again, because I have realised that I will do anything for you."

He reached for her hand, lacing his fingers with hers, and leaned in to touch her cheek with the other hand, wiping her tears away in the process.

"God, I'm a wreck," she finally managed, covering her face with her hands. But she quickly felt Richard's hands on hers, pulling them away to reveal her face again, and she slowly turned to look him in the eyes.

"I have never seen you look anything less than beautiful, and especially not now. You've never looked more beautiful to me. In fact, everything you do makes you beautiful."

"I'm falling for you so rapidly it's making me dizzy," she whispered, leaning over to put her head on his shoulder. Her whole world was spinning with words she had never heard before and touches she'd never felt before.

"That's exactly what it was like falling for you," he whispered back.


End file.
